MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

It's 4:45 in the morning and I am at work. It's been a super slow night. I think I've only gotten like 5 calls. I LOVE working on holidays. It's SLOW as heck AND I get double time and a half. I really wish I were working tomorrow night too.
It hasn't really felt much like Christmas this year.
1) I didn't deck my halls this year. Money is tight, no one would ever see it, and I'm just too darn tired. So I didn't do it, even though Mom offered to buy me a tree.
2) We didn't have annual family Christmas parties or EITHER side of my family. That totally bums me out. Christmas is the ONLY time I ever get to see some of my cousins.
3) Did I mention money is tight? We didn't do any Christmas shopping. I have small gifts for my parents and siblings, but I feel like a Scrooge for not being able to spend time picking out the perfect gift for everyone and wrapping them just right. I hate that my parents are going to shower us with gifts and we only have a pittance to give back to them...Especially my dad. He's impossible to shop for anyway.
4) Justin and I didn't get anything for each other. All our extra money is going toward preparing for the baby. He really wants an external hard drive. I'm sitting here wishing I'd bought one for him anyway. But after Christmas there will probably be some great sales on them...
5) And most significant: My sister Katie was not able to come home this year. It's the first Christmas EVER that we're not all together. My stupid pregnancy hormones make this so much worse. I can't even think about her being so far away from us on Christmas without tearing up. But on the bright side, I have time to finish the hat I'm making her before she comes to visit in January.

So what was on my Christmas list? Just ONE thing. My Chicco Cortina travel system. Mom and Dad set a spending limit every year for each of us and I told Mom that as long as it was within her budget, it's all I really wanted, even if it's the only gift I have to open. Mom is really sensitive about this. Dad loves to tell stories about how she'd divide our gifts into three piles and make sure we all had the same amount of gifts to open. If the numbers weren't even she'd find something else to wrap up for the person that was short a gift. Even now that we are all old enough to understand we're all getting the same $ value worth of gifts, she still gets upset if we don't have the same number of gifts to open. Which leads me to my Christmas Eve discovery:
I saw several gifts for Justin and I under the tree, but nothing big enough to be what I'd asked for. SO, and I'm ashamed to say it...I went peeking! I felt like I was 10 again. I found the stroller in the garage along with some other baby items. Dad is an avid garage saler and he told me to give him a list of stuff he could look for used (and CHEAP) for us. So I think he's been saving everything he's picked up for us to give us this morning, so that Mom has more stuff to wrap for us! I love my parents. It's so sweet and adorable that they STILL worry about giving us all a great Christmas. They can't imagine how much I appreciate it. But I always feel so inadequately grateful.
And that said I'm really looking forward to the day that Christmas isn't all about us kids and the presents anymore. Eventually I'm looking forward to buying for my own babies and watching their eyes light up. But for the next few years, before this baby can really understand what the big deal is, I'd love for Christmas to become MORE about family. I'd like for us to be able to take a trip and just hang out and have fun without a ton of presents. I want my parents to know that THAT is what is really important to us, not the presents.
Well...one more hour until it's present time. Despite the guilt that I feel over Christmas being so underwhelming this year, I am really excited to get my baby stuff!

Happy Holiday everyone. I hope you're all enjoying your families today.